so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
