no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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