a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
