You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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