I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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