Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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