i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
