I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
