I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
