We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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