my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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