remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
