I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
