my being single is dangerous.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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