I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Be still, my beating vagina.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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