He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
