Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i think i have herpe
just one?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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