I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
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So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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