A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
