i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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