Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
