Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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