College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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