idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
