he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
