How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
