It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize