i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
