I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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