I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
