For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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