just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
