i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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