it wasn't lemon gatorade
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
