I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well I just put wine in my tea
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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