1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
