I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
