There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
