Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
