you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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