we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
