Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
