do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
