In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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