She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
