Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
