Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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