I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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