Umm I'm too high to move.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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