just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
