I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't think brook has ever known best
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
