I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What a dumb baby whore.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
