We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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