I'm pants shitting drunk right now
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
