My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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