you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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