I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
