it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
