You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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